How To Know If It’s a Rebound Relationship or Real Love

A piece I wrote for Love Evolve Thrive

Deciphering whether or not you are in a rebound relationship or truly in a lasting, loving relationship can be challenging. There are some themes that continue to show up when a person is in a rebound relationship in my clinical practice.

These have included, but are not limited to:

You find this new person annoying for relatively small things or conversely, they’re like a drug and you just can’t get enough of them
If you’re still talking with an ex in an effort to find closure
Your thoughts seem consumed by what this ex is doing without you or somehow you find a way to continually bring them up in conversation
Difficulty making a decision on your own
Being very physically connected, but not really emotionally present
Not introducing them to your friends
You’re always comparing them to your ex
You ignore the possible red flags that your friends can clearly see
If the relationship is being used as an analgesic to dull the loss of a past relationship
When there is real love, there is an ease present. It may not be perfect, but it feels right.

There is no hiding of your flaws and it feels safe to be vulnerable. There’s no feeling of needing to change something or anything about the person that you love. It doesn’t feel like you’re shoving a square peg into a round hole. You no longer think that “maybe someone better will come along.” You think about planning a future together. You find someone who compliments you. You don’t have a need to be “completed”.

It is important to process after a relationship has ended.

Experiment with new interests. Take yourself out on some dates. Take an art or dance class. Traveling alone can be so freeing. Cultivate a closer, more positive relationship with yourself. You cannot end the relationship with yourself. In time, the pain of ending a relationship will fade. You will still have to look in the mirror. Get comfortable in your skin. Be sure that you know the person who is staring back at you with love, genuine curiosity and gentleness.

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